Re-shaping your future by ‘re-doing’ your past.

How to heal with Schema Therapy

First things first - What actually is Schema Therapy? Well the word ‘schema’ is said to come from a Greek word meaning ‘shape’. A ‘schema’ itself is an entrenched belief about the world, largely formed when you're a kid, partly from our environment but also by what was role modelled to us by our caregivers (usually our parents).

Schema Therapy, aims to make the ‘link’ between how these (often unconscious) beliefs play out in the way we behave as adults.  I.e. “this is what ‘shaped’ me”

Schema’s (there’s 20 of them, including abandonment, defectiveness and self sacrifice) are often viewed as a person’s ‘hard wiring’ because they appear to be what’s automatically driving responses to the things people say and do. Fears that we’re not worthy of love, are defective and are going to be abandoned and mistreated if we go near a relationship are all very real for some people and usually goes back to very painful memories from our earlier years.

So just where does this ‘hard wiring’ come from?

Many people seeking counselling refer to the impact their parents have had on them, which is understandable.

However, it should be said that Schema Therapy isn’t about “parent bashing”, which is often assumed, particularly as the therapeutic journey reveals itself. Sometimes, parents, like all humans, simply “got it wrong” or did the best they could with what they had.

So blaming mum and dad - is it a cop out? Well, I’ve treated many who’ve come to therapy with a firm view that their parents are to blame for their problems in adulthood, like anxiety, depression and self doubt.

Schema Therapy helps you work out what you didn’t get growing up, and why this was important to you. 

With the aid of Schema Therapy tools and interventions to meet your own emotional needs, improve areas of your life and even ‘re-do’ things that’ve happened, the question of ‘who’ to blame suddenly doesn’t seem so important.

What does become the focus of this fascinating style of therapy is learning what your own Schema’s are, and the way in which they play out in your life. (Yes, that includes who we’re drawn to in relationships, the career we pursue and indeed, how we often repeat our parents habits).

Most importantly, Schema Therapy interventions applied in therapy can change the ‘meaning’ of our past (and often painful) experiences, when we can’t change the past itself. It’s challenging and rewarding work, truly life changing for some.

If you’d like to learn more about the process of Schema Therapy and how it can help you, please get in touch on 0409 547 872 or email me at tim@timnolancounselling.com.au